honeylufu

I had a dream last night that I was delivering twins. And it’s not the first time I’ve had that dream, which is odd. I also know that it’s not going to happen since I’ve had my tubes removed. I woke up feeling weird. Not regretful, because I can logic my way out of anything, but just weird. I feel like I’ve floated out of my body for a moment and am taking a look at my family from a higher being’s point of view. I’m seeing how much my children are growing and so quickly. It’s making me hug Novalee just a little more and sneak more kisses all over Oliver’s face. Then it reminded me of this one snippet from Modern Family, where Jay gives this incredibly emotional and captivating speech.

“The thing about babies…You fall in love with a baby, with the cutest little fat folds, and then bam they’re gone. But it’s okay, because in its place is this toddler with the greatest laugh on earth. And then one day the toddler’s gone. And in its place, a little kid that asks the most interesting questions you’ve ever heard. And this keeps going on like that, but you never get the chance to miss any of them because there’s always a new kid that takes the place of the old. Until they grow up.

…And then in a moment, all those kids you fell in love with, walk out the door at the same time.”

That last sentence really shakes me to my core. There were so many times where I would wish Oliver would catch up to where Novalee is so they could play together. I need to slow down, step back, and remind myself that he’s really only a baby for a just a few more months, and then I will have no more. I need to really cherish these moments, because soon, my babies will be kids. And my kids will be teenagers. And my teenagers will be adults who will have their own life, and maybe one day, their own babies. And Alex and I will be back to a family of 2, and the thought of that makes me so sad. And it’s ironic because for the first year of Novalee’s life, I was really aching for our previous dynamic, and now two years in, I’m now wanting it to all slow down.

I get super emotional every now and again, and in these moments, I really, REALLY, love my family, and am so grateful for what we’ve made. Just need to bookmark these feelings here before I resume my regular personality.

So I had started an entry on Father’s Day, but I only got to the title, and didn’t fill out anything else. If that doesn’t give insight as to how busy it’s been as a mom of two littles under two, then I don’t know what does. THAT’S RIGHT, you heard me. Oliver is finally here! And yes, it took me 4 months to write about it, but you know what they say–better late than never.

So do I absolutely adore him as much as I thought I would? Nope. I dunno what those other moms are smoking, but I’m only starting to be slightly fond of him now. Up until recently, he’s been pretty annoying. Don’t get your panties in a twist and start mommy-shaming, bc I do love him, but that doesn’t mean I need to like him 100% of the time. He used to cry A LOT. Like that super pitchy and shrill cry, where neighbors probably thought I was torturing him. That has subsided drastically now thankfully, and he only does it when he needs to poop. Also when he’s about to go down for a nap; he starts whining the moment I bring him into his room. The bright side of that is, he’s observant. Too observant sometimes where it gets in the way of his feeding. He gets distracted very easily and prefers to play rather than eat. And always wants to be held, but only in the upright position, which strains my back and shoulder badly. I pulled my back twice since his arrival, and it’s only starting to get better now.

Would I have waited longer to have #2 if I had known? No. I knew what I was getting into. I knew that the first couple years will be hell, and both Alex and I had mentally prepared for it. I think we were expecting an complete shitshow, but so far (knock on wood), it hasn’t been too terrible. Everything has been tolerable. And you know what else I’m able to do now as a second time mom? Ignore that crap out of cries. I can do that so well now, it’s amazing. Using the CIO method, we got Oliver down to sleep through the night at 14 weeks old (that’s 2 weeks later than his sister, but who’s keeping score?). He goes to sleep at 8pm and wakes up shortly after 7am with a morning bottle, and then back down to sleep until around 10:30am (soo nice). That’s the schedule as of now anyway, so we’ll see how he’ll do once daycare starts next month and he’s forced to drop that long nap–but then again, that’s the sitter’s problem, not mine (ha!).

And do I want anymore kids? NOPE. We are done. I had a bilateral salpingectomy (what?), which means I had both my tubes completely removed, so there is no reversal. If we, for some asinine reason, decided we didn’t have enough responsibilities in our life and would like to have more children, it would have to either be through IVF or adoption. Some of you might recall in a previous entry where I wasn’t too sure if I should go through with the procedure. Well, towards the end of that pregnancy, I was 100%. And at 4 months postpartum, I am 1000%. 4 is the a good number for us. We have one of each gender for children. If we win tickets to something, it’s usually in a pack of 4. Getting table reservations are easier for a family of 4. Most vehicles are accommodating for a family of 4. Alex and I can equally team up against the kids if need be. Novalee and I can go do girly things and leave Oliver and Dad to do boring woodworking stuff someday soon. It’s great.

For those of you who want/have more kids, more power to you. I have nothing but respect. But I know myself. I know that my ME time is important, so that I can give my children 100% of my best self (or somewhere in that general area of a self). I’ve been seeing those memes lately about how to-be parents always have a list of dos and don’ts of how they’ll parent, and it ends up being completely thrown out the window. And not to toot my own horn (okay a little toot), but Alex and I have done a pretty good job of sticking to our own list so far. We still don’t allow much screen time for Novalee–she only gets to video chat her family and watch an educational show/short video while I trim her nails. That. Is. It. We very rarely give her sweets that aren’t fruits. She’s had jelly beans for potty training week (OMG did I mention she’s potty trained since last month??!), and cake/ice cream for special occasions, but never outside of those times. Do I think we should get an award? Nah. I think Alex and I are just the type who set certain plans and do our best to stick to them. We definitely try to be as engaging as possible and her daycare does an amazing job with nurturing and teaching Novalee as well. Of course, Novalee’s awesome personality is the only sample I have of a great toddler (so far), so we’ll see how Oliver will be. If he’s the exact opposite of his sister in every single way, we might have problems. Check back in a few months and see if I’m still tooting my own horn. Speaking of, the little turd is up from his nap… hopefully it won’t be another 4 months before my next post.

My body tricked me into thinking that pregnancy was easy since it was pretty smooth sailing with Novalee up until the very end. If we are ever having more children, it’s either through adoption, or science has somehow made it to where men can have babies (I’ll jump on the latter for the sheer experience of watching Alex go through the same shit I’ve been going through for the past 8 months). I’ve been barely getting any sleep, even worse lately, since I’m either having to pee or my acid reflux is back, despite being on indigestion meds. If I try to lay on my back, I suddenly get a shortness of breath, not to mention my already painful hemorrhoids are being further agitated. And what is our reward? A child that won’t appreciate us until having children of his/her own, and a husband who says he can’t imagine what I’m going through, claims to be grateful for what I’m doing, and then goes back to playing his video games.

Alex has also been spending a lot of time on his new love–the 4runner, along with more tennis and other fun activities; it’s starting to definitely rub me the wrong way (since like 3 months ago). I’m already agitated with most things as is lately, and while from a logical standpoint, I can understand that nobody wants to spend time with a moody manatee. But HE did this to me god dammit, and he better take all the bad along with the good. The only upside is that it further solidifies that I don’t want to be going through this again, and will be perfectly content with 2 kids. Though right now, it’s a lot more dread than excitement, since I know the next few months are going to kick my ass emotionally, physically, and mentally. How are women doing this multiple times in their lives? Kudos to you madams, because I most certainly cannot.

As the end is nearing, I’ve been very absorbed in a new skin regime. I think the realization of how wrecked the entire face and body gets after pregnancy has me scrambling to do as much preventative care as possible. I’ve started using the highly coveted SK-II Facial Treatment Essence for the past month, along side with Drunk Elephant’s Vitamin C serum (recommended by both my OB and Chiro within the same week, so I had to take the plunge). I’ve added these two to my typical AM/PM regime which includes toner, eye cream, vitamin C/E/Argan/Rosehip oil, and finished moisturizer (Origins w/ SPF for the AM, Creme De La Mer for the PM). I’ve been getting comments that my face has been glowing, and it might help that I’ve also eliminated foundation from my daily make-up routine , albeit, I still use concealer, blush, and dress up my brows. So far, I really do like the extra two items I’ve added to the skin regime, but since they were added about the same time, it’s hard to tell if the combination is making my skin glow as much as it is, or really just one thing. I’ll need to eliminate one at a time to really tell. In addition, I’m not very impressed w/ the eye cream I’ve been using lately, and thinking about switching AGAIN. Been trying to hunt for the holy grail of eye creams, and nothing really pops out. I’m not even sure what I’m expecting. If someone has a suggestion for dark circles (thanks to Latisse and lack of a good night’s sleep), please let me know. Until then, I’ll continue going perusing reviews of beauty bloggers and adding whatever tickles my fancy to my Ulta shopping cart.

Omgosh a new decade already! And I’ve never accomplished so much as I have in just this past one. I can pinpoint it all to when I met the one I share my heart, home, and life with. Clearly I’m in a better mood than I was yesterday.

2010 – Alex and I fell in love. And if you must know, he fell first. Also, I got him to drink for the first time. Yep, that’s right folks, he’s a fraternity boy who never drank. Nobody believes me until they meet him.
2011 – He officially moved in with me.
2012 – I left my 7 year job and moved to a company that truly humbled me.
2013 – Alex started a new job that launched him in the career he’s in now.
2014 – We got engaged! And had our first puppy loss. 😥
2015 – Tied the knot. I further adulted by trading in my aZn rally car for a hybrid.
2016 – Bought our first home together.
2017 – Rocking it in our tennis league. (Not so) secretly proud of this one because I went from never holding a racket B.A. (before Alex), to placing finalists/champions each season this year. This guy has taught me so much.
2018 – Found out we were pregnant, and bought our second home together. Little Novalee was born later that year.
2019 – Pregnant with Baby #2!

2020 is going to pack a punch when we become a family of 4, but I’m looking forward to a higher sense of fulfillment and gratitude for all that we’ve made, that we have, and that we’ll share. Cheers to a year better then then last!

We’ve returned from our trip to Nashville, TN! A wonderful family vacation for the holidays to visit the SIL & co, and probably the last vacation for a while since Baby #2 is expected in just a few short months. I mentioned some of this for our trip to Seattle, but a few tidbits we’ve gotten lucky with in our travel this time around:

• We’re too cheap to buy a seat for Novalee as babies under 2 fly free, so we booked an aisle and a window seat, and crossed our fingers that no one would take the middle. Success both rounds! Also, what kind of psychopath chooses a middle seat? Just be prepared in case you don’t get lucky, and said psycho is ok with switching with one of you so you can still sit together (if you’d like). The attendants at the gate have power over seating, so when you get there, be nice and ask how packed the flight is, casually commenting how you got a window and aisle.

• Get a carseat bag for your car seat to check in for free. You can stash soooo much loot inside of it, like all the Xmas gifts we got, and most likely they won’t double check. Worst case, they do and you pay the extra luggage fee.

• Ask to board first. Most airlines automatically include families with small children to go first, but of you’re stuck on a shitty one, say American Airlines, you’ll need to ask the gate attendant if they’re willing to let you. We were given the green light only 1 of 2 attempts.

• Bring a treat for the flight attendants. We gave them a box of Sees Candies and they were so delighted. Not sure if they would have been any more attentive than they were, but it made us good to show our appreciation. Also, this was in case Novalee was a jackass on the flight.

Novalee flew tremendously well both the flight to and from– I’m so impressed with her traveling comprehension and knowing when to power down to sleep. During our stay with the fam however, she had a few outbursts and hated to be away from our laps and arms for more than just a few seconds. I’m hoping it’s due to being out of her element and not an insecurity she’s developing. Her cousin, 3 months younger, is also going through a mental leap, so the girls kept taking turns wailing in our faces for the majority of the trip. Ah, a great insight to my near future with two kiddos. I keep seesawing between wtf were you thinking and best to get all this part over with sooner than later .

It’s great, this awareness of seeping into a crazed motherhood. I need to constantly remind myself to breathe and really soak in the good moments. The moments where Novalee is showing me her first magic trick. Or the first time I witnessed her show empathy as her younger cousin cried, and she handed her a toy for condolence. Or the time Daddy told her it’s time to change her diaper, and she voluntarily walked over and laid down to be changed. This girl is learning things at lightning speed. Whether that’s normal, fast, or slow for her age, I’m thoroughly amazed and starting to understand the wonderment of it all. It’s funny how much love and adoration comes spilling out when I watch her sleep. I wish I could bottle up these exact feelings for a later dosage to take when she’s going through one of her tantrums.

A part of me wonders how I could possibly love another being nearly as much as I love Novalee. Silly, I know, but I feel like my heart is so full sometimes, that it barely has room for even Alex some days. Let’s see how big this heart can really grow, because right now, she takes up the most of it.